A Man's Perspective: Dating Advice for Women

Never sit too close at the ballet, lest you break the illusion. Well, it seems to me that some women really do need to have the magical spell broken so, with that in mind, I'll pull back the curtain to reveal the neurotic little man pulling the strings inside of the heads and libidos of men everywhere. Oh what strange and mysterious creatures we are, we men of the new millennium. Not.

Having endured more than my share of "Why would he do that?" conversations over my lifetime, I decided the time was right to put fingers to keyboard and contribute my 2 cents to the cyber world. So let's tackle the most relevant question: What do guys want? Nothing like taking on the big one right off the bat, eh? I'm going to give it a shot and we'll see if we come up with something profound.

Let's set the stage here: You've just met Mr. Wonderful. He's been saying the right things, making you feel all tingley. What does he want? Sex. It's that simple. He's not concerned with whether you're a delightful conversationalist. He doesn't care about your political views or your heartfelt desire to save the world. He thinks you're pretty cute and wants to get in your panties. Done.

I know there'll be a (perhaps vocal) minority out there who'll try to take the high road and say that sex doesn't enter the equation until there are emotions involved, but seriously, who're they trying to kid? I don't think there's a guy on the planet who'd reject a blowjob from an attractive girl (they may turn it down from an unattractive one, but only if their buddies had seen and/or commented on the girl's nasty appearance beforehand--you'd be surprised at how much more attractive the girl becomes if there's no visual evidence being brought to light, but I digress). So if all guys are wired this way, then how do you determine if Mr. Wonderful is really an asshole in disguise? The answer is equally simple: don't have sex with him on the first date. Or even the second or third. Now I'm not saying that you need to go the route of the 40 Year Old Virgin and wait 20 dates, but by the same token I think there's something to be said for making the guy work for it.

Dating is, very much, like a job interview. And the better the job, the more likely it is that you'll need to pass multiple interviews before you finally land it. So why should dating be any different? Isn't it better to find the right candidate, rather than constantly be training the wrong ones? Ask questions. Get to know him before jumping into bed. See if you have something in common other than that aching to ride the Wild Bundy. You'll be happier with the end results. Dating isn't a race. As long as you cross the finish line with the right person at your side, then everyone wins.

Here's another little hint for the girls in the audience: The Perfect Man does NOT exist. You're not going to find the ultimate combination of looks, intelligence, personality, income and social status. Good looking guys (much like good looking girls) are more likely to be assholes. Why do I say this? It's because they've spent most of their lives getting precisely what they want with a minimal amount of effort. There's a certain amount of self-entitlement that comes with a lifetime of pampering. Why do you think that professional athletes have egos the size of Australia?

Now if you still insist on pursuing one of these Ken dolls, so be it. But how do you tame one of these Golden Boy hunks? Make him work for it. The longer he sticks around, the longer he'll be exposed to your delightful personality and, perhaps, actually be attracted to you for you as opposed to what he's seen through his beer-buzz. Naturally, you're free to do as you please. Just don't come crying to me if you brush off my advice.