Hypocrisy Corner: Dating Advice for Men

Since I opened 2006 with a guide to assist women in avoiding heartache, it's only right that I give equal time to the plight of men. Consider this a companion piece to my entry on Dating Advice for Women. Now I realise that every situation is different and every woman is as unique as a snowflake, but that doesn't mean we can't follow some general guidelines. After all, Chaos Theory suggests that patterns eventually develop, despite the initial appearance of random behaviour. I think the guys in the audience will agree that there are few things that appear to be as random, in life, as a woman. Don't worry, boys. I'll take the hit for this one. I know none of you will publicly agree with that last comment.

The first thing to remember is that you can meet anyone, anywhere at any time. That means places like the Métro station, a café, or even the supermarket. Heck, my roommate met her current man while waiting in line at the Financial Aid office at Concordia. It can happen. You just need to be open to the possibility. So that being the case, try and look respectable. I don't necessarily mean all cleancut--everyone has their own sense of style. But that being said, some things should remain in the closet. Unless you're on the way to or from the gym, leave the workout gear at home. I don't care if it's comfortable. All she'll see is that you don't know how to dress. And make sure that whatever you're wearing is CLEAN!

Next thing: SMILE. Don't be a grinning idiot, but show the world that you're loose and happy. The easiest way to do this is to show off the pearly whites. Communication is more than just what you say. It's about how you carry yourself, as well. You could say all the right things, but it's your nonverbal cues that will get you off on the right foot. Don't shoot yourself in said foot before even saying a word.

Here's the biggest key: BE CONFIDENT. Everything flows from confidence. Have the guts to go up and talk to her! I know we're in the 21st century now, but the girls aren't going to come to you. Grow a pair, take a deep breath and say hello. If you don't believe you're worth talking to, then she won't either. Mind you, there's a fine line between cocky and confident. Being too cocky is likely to get you a reservation at a "Table For One" if you're not careful. It's great that you think you're da shizzit but I guarantee you she's met a tonne of other guys who think the same thing about themselves. And at least one of these guys is better than you are.

Another big one: LISTEN TO HER. Communication goes both ways. If you spend the whole time talking about yourself, then you'll have no idea if she's really worth the effort. By dominating the conversation, all you're showing is that you have no real interest in her. And believe me, women want to be seen as interesting, sexy and desirable. She doesn't want to be seen as a conquest or a trophy. She's a person. Treat her like one.

The last piece of advice I have to give goes hand in hand with listening to her: KNOW WHEN TO TAKE A HINT. Remember those nonverbal cues I was mentioning? Pay attention to those. Most girls don't want to humiliate a guy in public (unless there's alot of alcohol in her system), so she'll be subtle if she's not interested. Keep an eye out for that. One word answers, lack of eye contact, uncomfortable silences--these tell the tale. So cut your losses and move on. There are, statistically speaking, more women on the planet than men, so we're at an advantage here.

Do what you want with the advice contained here. Most of it should be common sense, but it seems to me that an alarming number of people lack it. I suppose that would make it uncommon sense, wouldn't it? Til next time...