The Perfect Woman
Back in 1985, when I was a wee lad of 11 years old, John Hughes came out with a film called Weird Science, yet another movie starring Anthony Michael Hall. I tell you, Hughes was singlehandedly responsible for that little pipsqueak having anything resembling a career in showbiz, but I digress. This was a bizarre little movie about two geeks who use their home computer to build themselves their idea of the Perfect Woman. Their choice for the lead actress? Kelly LeBrock. Pretty lofty praise for a woman who ended up marrying Steven Seagal. Based on that act alone I believe she disqualifies herself from consideration as the perfect woman. With all this witty bashing amongst friends this past week, I figured the time was right to talk about the kind of woman I'm looking for.In my university days, I had a major thing for cheerleaders. For those who don't know, Western boasts an ongoing undefeated streak in Canadian cheerleading competitions, back since they started the competitions 20 years ago. The girls on the team are tiny, perky, amazingly toned and can do standing back flips on demand. What's not to love? The thing is, there are only about 12 of them on a campus of 26, 000 students, so the chances of me scoring with one were pretty much nil.
Now what's the next best thing to cheerleaders? Strippers! But I'm not going to go there. I can already hear the telltale snikt snikt of claws being bared by my female audience, so we'll skip that topic for now.Instead we'll move on to the girls who truly hold a special place in my heart: the Oarhouse waitresses. It's pretty clear that the management relies heavily on the local co-eds to keep the patrons coming back for more. The pictures seen here are samples of the charity fundraising calendar the girls put together a few years ago to benefit the Humane Society. Natalie (the brunette) and Robin (the blonde) are my all-time favorites. I can't count how many nights I spent at that sports bar, nor can I imagine how much money I dropped there, though there is a running joke amongst my friends that I put several of the girls through school...
Now before you go jumping to too many conclusions here, I would like to point out that I was actually far less superficial in my criteria by this point. Uh-huh. Sure you were. Look at those two! Are you really going to tell me you went there for their personalities?!? Actually, that's precisely why I kept going back. Since I had gained "regular" status, I got to see sides of the girls that typical clients wouldn't. They'd even hang around after their shifts (occasionally after hours, as well) to have a couple drinks with me. These girls were cool. Natalie, in particular, had a great head on her shoulders, knew what she wanted to get out of life (and her education) and busted her ass to get there. Last time I talked to her (shortly before I moved to Quebec) she was getting ready to start a good job at an Accounting firm in Toronto. She's more than a pretty face and a killer body. I think she'll surprise anyone foolish enough to underestimate her.
Anyway, it's because of these girls that I started to look for women who were more than eye candy. Attraction is still important, but intelligence and personality are now more important. Geez, I really DID type that, didn't I? Well, it's true. Ol' Al is mellowing as he moves through his fourth decade on the planet. God help me, I can't really be maturing!?!
Now I'm looking for an equal-- someone who's independent and intelligent, who has the strength of character to stand up for what she believes (push-overs are a waste of my time) and who, just by being herself, inspires me to try and reach my potential. If I can find someone like that, then I'll really have found the perfect woman. Til next time...
posted by Al B Here @ 7:29 PM
27 comments
27 Comments:
well i think it comes down to the individual....especiallu because we all percieev beauty and what is sexy in a very different way....
it's the other way around: the next best thing to strippers are cheerleaders.
I haven't even read the posting yet but based on the title alone, I'm sure it's going to be a goody. I can't wait for the follow-up piece, "Do Opposites Attract?" Time to put a therapist on speed dial.
I remember many of those evenings where Al would sit around The Oar with Natalie and Robin, talking about the literature of Jack Kerouac, the philosophy of Immanuel Kant, the music of Miles Davis, the art of Jean-Michel Basquiat...
Interesting post~I wonder if it is the "perfect woman" you are looking for, or the "perfect for you" woman.
Very different.
Good luck in your quest.
The perfect woman is flexible, giving, demonstrates integrity and can make me a mean post-coital sandwich! The rest is just icing on the cake. It's just rather unfortunate that the icing is so always so sweet and tempting...
Dear Mr. B. Here,
In light of recent events, it is with deep regret that we must terminate our current arrangement. For your particular situation, I believe we do not offer "the best policy."
Sincerely,
Honesty & Associates
P.S. If Jessica Simpson dyed her hair brown and traded in her singing voice on a really good natcho recipe, you'd be all over that bad girl in a heartbeat.
mon femme idéale est la voix de Michele
Oh my. I cringe at Monkeyboy's butchering of the French language... Dancing primates shouldn't have access to the Language Tools option on Google. Uuuuugly.
And hands off Michèle.
Do I detect the blog master protest too much?
A request from the peanut gallery for something about the police brutality protest that ironically ended with some smackdown.
Al makes a good point about the butchering of the French language, but it's bound to happen when an anglophone has a French surname.
Guess that gives me a great excuse, huh? After all, the Quebecois don't acknowledge that I have a French surname at all. It's only les têtes carrées that recognize its origins...
but think about it guys unrealistic expectation about the perfect...anything can only lead to dissapointment yet if we think realistically in the search for the perfect person for us like playfulindc it is probable that we will actually find someone
Alright, I'll acknowledge that both Belinda and PlayfulInDC both have good points. And I think I'm gradually moving towards the "perfect for me" woman. Back flips are no longer on my list of criteria, for instance, and I have far more respect for someone who can hold a good conversation than one who can just fill out a pair of jeans. Regardless, I'll keep looking for "her" whomever she is...
Al B. Pinnocchio, why your nose get so long? If Sarah Vowell was a waitress at The Oarhouse, you wouldn't give her the time of day let alone your usual 47% gratuity. If you are attempting to play to your female readers, you might try some honesty. Funny enough, I don't recall that quality being mentioned in your posting "Hypocrisy Corner: Dating Advice for Men".
Guess you're going to just keep hacking away, eh Morgan? I've been nothing but honest throughout the course of this post. Obviously you're choosing to disbelieve that. So be it. Everyone's entitled to their opinion.
If you want to claim that you didn't touch the chocolate cake, you might want to wipe that icing off your face. Look at the pictures of Natalie and Robin. There's a picture of SuperMom in a previous posting. Do I have to point out the obvious?
The obvious, mon frère, is that all 3 of them are very attractive women. What's less obvious is the other stronger qualities that they bring to the table. I've pointed out those qualities, plain and simple. Since you know each of these girls, at least in passing, I would have thought you'd be willing to agree that they're not some brainless bimbos.
Name a single woman you've shown a real interest in that didn't have the physical attributes to be a high calibre exotic dancer.
Simple. Niki D. from my 3rd year grammar course in Trois-Pisoles. She even had a strong enough personality that I was willing to overlook her allegiance to the Toronto Maple Leafs.
I wasn't actually expecting you to name someone, ya big galoot. The only reason I even put forth the challenge was because you rarely ever talk about pursuing women that don't fall into one of, or a combination of, cheerleader, sports bar waitress, or stripper. Had I actually thought you were capable of supplying a legitimate answer, I never would have made the challenge. That would have been rather insensitive. I can't understand why you find it so hard to admit that you place an inordinately high level of importance on a woman's looks. There is more than a little bit of empirical evidence available to prove my point. You have every right to be that way regardless of outcome. Fess up. It will set you free.
Seems to me that I have already acknowledged the importance of finding the woman attractive. What I've also been trying (evidently unsuccessfully) to point out is that it's not the lone criteria as it may have been in my early 20s.
Fair enough. I hope your strategy is working out well for you.
I actually know a guy who had only (ever!) dated strippers. he lost his virginity to a hooker in vegas and i guess that sort of laid the pavement for the rest of his relationships...he was pretty sweet but always seemed kind of lonely, a confirmed bachelor for sure, I think it would be weird for someone to meet all their future girlfriends - or boyfriends, for that matter - within a client/service provider relationship.
Hmmm - and whatever should I say about this one, Al???
Well - I'm sure your prefect woman is out there and she's just waiting for you to come n get her. I'll leave it at that.
Wise thinking, good man. Ultimately, though, titties overrule intellect. They only get better with time!
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